For anybody whose once normal everyday life was suddenly shattered by an act of sexual violence– the trauma, the terror, can shatter you long after one horrible attack. It lingers. You don’t know where to go or who to turn to…and people are more suspicious of what you were wearing or what you were drinking, as if it’s your fault, not the fault of the person who assaulted you…We still don’t condemn sexual assault as loudly as we should. We make excuses, we look the other way…[Laws] won’t be enough unless we change the culture that allows assault to happen in the first place.
- President Barack Obama, September 2014
I'll begin with a story a friend recently told me.
We were at a stopover in Dubai, trapped within the airport walls as we waited for our next flight. We were sitting in the waiting room, I was exploring YouTube with the airport WiFi and my mom was seated beside me, reading. As we whiled away time, a girl, I later got to know was also Nigerian, ran over to my mom, eyes filled with fear as she gripped my mom's hand, almost kneeling.
"Ma, there's this man that keeps touching me and asking me to follow him to the bathroom. I don't know what to do." She said, almost in a whisper, as she inclined her head to where she had been sitting.
My mom asked her to sit beside her and the girl let out a small sigh of relief. She told us she was nineteen and was waiting for a plane to Canada where she would begin schooling.
As we talked, a white man approached us. He was red in the face, a bit large and as he got closer, the smell of alcohol became heavy in the air. Our new friend sunk into her chair, as though she was trying to make herself smaller and whispered to us that he was the man who had been harassing her. My mom held her hand as he sat beside me. He grinned at us, like there was a joke being told that we weren't privy of.
"What do you want?" My mom had asked and he had the audacity to place his hand on my thigh.
I moved away from him, walking around to sit by the other side of my mom. Unflinching, he asked my mom to let one of the girls follow him to the bathroom. Later, my mom told me the only reason she didn't report him was because she didn't want to cause a scene. She had told him that she would call security if she saw him come close to any of us again. He walked away, apparently, he was not that drunk to actually dare her.
But even then, when the girl and I went to explore the airport, she kept looking back, as though she was waiting for him to burst out of any corner and grab her, but he never bothered us again.
Now, it makes me wonder what he had done when she was alone, what she had endured from him before she had had enough.
I recalled this after reading through the findings of a poll carried out in 2019 by NOIPOLLS, one of which implied that one in every three girls in Nigeria would have experienced at least one form of sexual assault by the time they reach 25 years. I found it appalling, but not surprising.
In this article, I would focus on a hushed epidemic, RAPE.
Before we continue, what exactly is rape? Rape is a type of sexual assault usually involving sexual intercourse or other forms of sexual penetration carried out against a person without that person's consent. The act may be carried out by physical force, coercion, abuse of authority, or against a person who is incapable of giving valid consent, such as one who is unconscious, incapacitated, has an intellectual disability or is below the legal age of consent.
At the beginning of this month, I woke up to new rape reports for three consecutive days, the hashtags - #JusticeforUwa , #JusticeforBarakat , #WeAreTired - trending on all social platforms. Just this year, the Nigerian police has recorded about 717 rape cases between January and May. Last week, all thirty -six state governors resolved to declare a state of emergency over rape and violence.
What is even more disturbing is the trend of 'victim-blaming' among Nigerians.
"...These Nigerians have been raised to think of woman as inherently guilty. And they have been raised to expect so little of men that the idea of men as savage beings with no self-control is somehow acceptable." -Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.
Findings from the 2019 NOIPOLL mentioned above revealed that "Curiously, Nigerians blamed the incidence of rape mainly on indecent dressing (47 percent), excess intake of alcohol by the offenders (36 percent) and victims (34 percent) and promiscuity (34 percent)."
It is a disturbing statistic. Even after the crime is committed, the victim is indirectly tagged as a solicitor of the assault done to her/him. This way of thinking deflects blame from where it rightly belongs with the perpetrator of the crime. No one is to be blamed but the rapist and we must spread this, so that those who are too ashamed to speak out, know that their voices would be heard.
How can we put an end to this trend of 'victim-blaming'?
Public enlightenment is the key. We need to have these conversations in schools, churches, mosques, social events, among friends, among family. Parents should be willing to talk about these issues as early as possible with their kids.
Rebutting Myths about Rape.
Myth: Only girls can be raped
Fact: Both men and women can be raped. Despite this, in Nigeria- apart from in the FCT Abuja, only women are recognized by law as capable of being raped.
Myths: If you are in a relationship with someone, then you can have sex with them any time.
Fact: A person is the only one entitled to her/his body. She/He has the right to say "No" at any time and consent should always be given.
Myth: Once it comes to sex, women always play hard-to-get and say 'no' when they really mean 'yes'.
Fact: Everyone has the legal right to say 'no' and even change their mind at any point during sexual intercourse. No means No.
Myth: If someone gets drunk, it is their fault if they get raped.
Fact: People have the right to get drunk without being assaulted. One of the key determinants of rape is if the person is incapable of giving valid consent, such as one who is unconscious, incapacitated.
Myth: If someone doesn't scream or fight their attacker off, then it wasn't rape.
Fact: There are many reasons why a person might not scream or fight back. Patricia Weiser states in her article 'What is Rape?', that the victim's fear of the assault and its outcome renders her passive, not compliant, and without consent. Many people find that they cannot move or speak at all – this is a very common reaction.
Myth: Women cannot commit sexual assault. Fact: Women can rape/assault women, children and men, just as men can rape/assault women, men and children.
Myth: The Nigerian Age of Consent is 11.
Fact: The official age of consent in Nigeria is 18, NOT 11!
HOW TO BE INVOLVED IN THIS FIGHT AGAINST RAPE.
Educate Yourself: Here are some sites I used for research. PREVENTION OF SEXUAL ASSAULT IN NIGERIA- https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4111066/ Child sexual abuse and disclosure in South Western Nigeria: a community based study- https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6306988/ Rape by Patricia Weiser Easteal-https://www.researchgate.net/publication/228127629_What_is_Rape https://www.ted.com/talks/thordis_elva_and_tom_stranger_our_story_of_rape_and_reconciliation?language=en https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-informed/about-sexual-violence/myths-vs-realities/
Sign Petitions: https://www.amnesty.org/en/get-involved/take-action/justice-for-uwa-and-barakat/
Spread information: Utilize your social media accounts to spread reliable information on rape and debunk false myths on rape.
I hope you found this article informative. Granted, this article was mostly focused on my home country Nigeria, but rape is everywhere, so lets be united and stand against this crime and work to put an end to the prevalent rape culture by raising our voices and saying NO, THIS ISN'T RIGHT!