Let’s face it, we can’t all strut into a room like the iconic Regina George or address an assembly like Ellie Woods, some of us are like Mia Thermopolis, just the mere thought of getting on stage gets us nauseous. Schools hardly teach us this skill. When it comes to drama, speech recitals, and debates, most schools pick the best for the job, ignoring those who do not have the skill rather than cultivating them, therefore the good get better and the bad get worse. Three years ago, I got the biggest wake-up call of my life when I was called out, quite spontaneously, might I add, to say the morning prayers. Once I was on that podium, I completely froze. It was as though I had become insensible, unable to come up with a single thought. I was held captive by my stage fright that I did not even notice that instead of beginning a prayer, I had ended a non-existent one. I was so embarrassed that day that I decided that no matter what, I was going to get rid of my shyness. Here’s what I did.
Recognize it as a weakness: For years, I deluded myself that it was okay to be shy. I hid from anything that would make me address it as a flaw, even the things I really wanted to do because I didn’t want to make a fool out of myself. But I learned the hard way that if you don’t address it, the world would make a fool of you. So, my first step would be to finally accept that shyness is a limitation and that it’s something I want to get rid of.
Immerse yourself in things you are good at: The best way to build self-confidence is by building your skills. Not only do you increase your knowledge about it, but if it is something you have a lot of passion for, it would be easier to talk to someone about it without feeling shy or flustered.
Identify what makes you shy: I could speak in front of my classmates and teachers, but when it came to standing on a stage and facing them all together, I clammed up. Illogical right! I know. But that is stage fright. I also did not know how to address new people or make friends. I got nervous around people I didn’t know. See, I have identified in what situations I get shy. Do the same. The best way to address a problem is to know the problem.
Arm yourself: Now you know in what situations you get shy, so arm yourself against them. In other to get rid of my phobia for meeting new people, I practiced various interactions in front of a mirror. I also read books on it (Refer to the end of the post). For my stage fright, I watched YouTube videos, Tedx Talks and read articles on exactly how to address a crowd, level my voice and hide the tell tales of stage fright. I say hide because the only effective way of getting rid of stage fright is going on stage multiple times until you slowly become comfortable. I also practiced emulating the movement and poise of great speakers.
Thrust yourself into those situations: Theory is never enough; you have to gain experience by practicing. Put yourself in those situations you’d normally shy away from. I decided to do this when my school was invited to a college fair. I had set a goal for myself: make one friend and get their number. So, when we were let out from the hall, I approached someone I thought looked nice and began a conversation, using all I had learnt from the book I read. I made four friends that day and when I got home, I got the biggest surprise. One of them had texted me and said, “teach me your ways of coming up to people and making their day.” I was so happy, because I had felt like my heart was going to explode in my chest when I was speaking to her. Set a goal for yourself and you’ll find achieving it is a reward on its own.
I hope you found this helpful! Below are the names of the books and other materials that helped me deal with my shyness:
How to Win Friends and Influence People, a self-help book by Dale Carnegie.
The Art of Public Speaking, a self-help book by Dale Carnegie.
I suggest listening to famous public speakers and trying to emulate the way they carry themselves, their pacing and how they address the assembly.
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It seems like I found someone to help with my valedictorian speech